Goldybot and the Three Ewoks
by gnbman
Summary: A twisted Star Wars version of the fairy tale "Goldilocks and the Three Bears" starring C-3PO and Wicket the ewok.


Once upon a time, there were three ewoks. Their names were Deej, Shodu, and Wicket. The mother ewok, Shodu, had just finished making fresh shllorp when the baby ewok, Wicket, yelled, "What the _di'kut_ is taking so long?!

"Watch your language, young man!" scolded Shodu, "It'll be done in a few minutes!"

"How many minutes? 20 bazillion?!" squealed Wicket.

"OKAY! IT'S DONE!" Shodu said as she tore out some of her fur. She poured the shllorp into three bowls and set them down on the table. Wicket sniffed them eagerly, but then whined, "I HATE SHLLORP! Why the heck did you make shllorp for me?!"

"Because you asked for it!" said Shodu.

"Oh…," said Wicket, "Well, I'm not hungry anymore!" He spit into the shllorp.

"That's it, Wicket! If you're not hungry, than we are going to get outside and go get some exercise!" said Deej. And with that, they went outside to have a _relaxing_ evening walk, forgetting to lock the door because of Wicket's whining.

* * *

Meanwhile, a shiny gold droid named Goldybot was walking around in the forest looking for his best friend.

"If I've told R2 once, I've told him 20 bazillion times that when I say 'Get lost', I don't mean _really_ get lost…" he said. His muttering and feeling sorry for himself were interrupted when he reached a cozy-looking cottage made from bark and tree stumps. He scratched his aluminum head and wondered aloud, "Hmm… I wonder if anyone's home?" He went to the door and knocked, but nobody answered. As he was knocking a second time, the door creaked open, and he stuck his head in for a peek. It _did_ look cozy, and he opened the door wider to get a better look.

"Well my circuits are getting a bit tired. Perhaps I could stay for just a moment, just to get some rest…" He walked inside and sat down at the table.

"Mmm, fresh shllorp!" he said eagerly. He tasted the shllorp and yelled, "Aye-Chihuahua! Man that's hot!" He spit it out all over the floor and went to the next bowl. It was full of ice cubes. Goldybot went to the last bowl and tried it.

"Mmm! Perfect!" he said and finished the whole thing.

After eating, he belched and went into the living room. He saw three chairs and sat on the first one.

"OWWWWW!" he yelled, "This one's full of splinters!" He sat on the next one and sank three feet into it. "Help, I'm suffocating!" He dug his way out and sat on the last chair; it was just right.

After his stomach settled, he said, "Well, I've been here long enough. I wouldn't want to be here when my _gracious hosts_ return…" But he was tired from his long search, being burnt half to death, and setting on dozens of splinters.

"Maybe I'll just take a short nap…" He went upstairs and found three beds.  
"Oh no, you don't! Not this time! I'm not trying all three of these beds!" he grumbled. After he tried all three of those beds, he finally found one that didn't nearly kill him and went into a deep sleep.

* * *

Deej, Shodu, and Wicket walked home on the path carrying three huge bags of toys.

"Why didn't you get me what I wanted?!" squalled Wicket.

"We got you almost everything in that whole dang store!" yelled Deej, "You're _begging_ us out of hut and home! We're going to go bankrupt!"

"But I wanted that dictionary!" screamed Wicket.

"YOU CAN'T EVEN READ YET!" Their argument was cut short when they realized that the door of their house was open.

"Intruders!" said Wicket, and he pulled a squirt-blaster out of his bag and began squirting Shodu. Deej went inside and looked around. Somebody had definitely been in there. There was shllorp all over the floor and one of the bowls was empty.

"What do you think happened?" asked Shodu, trying to dry her fur.

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out…" said Deej. Wicket ran inside and slipped on the shllorp.

"WWHHOOAAHH!" he yelled and landed on his face.

"Shhhh," said Deej, and they tiptoed in to the living room. Deej looked at his splintery chair and said, "You know, maybe I should have sanded this down." Just then, Shodu yelled, "Someone's been sitting in my chair!" The cushions _were_ indeed flattened down. Deej said, "I think the intruder's upstairs…"

* * *

Goldybot had been having a most pleasant dream about clouds and oil changes, but his slumber was interrupted by a small noise right beside the bed. He thought it was his imagination until he felt breathing on him. His electronic eyes switched on and came into focus. Looking down at him were three hairy ewoks. There was a fully grown female one with faded-looking gray fur, a small youngling, and one taller than the other two with graying brown fur and sharp buck teeth. Goldybot let out a yelp and threw himself out of the bed.

"Who are you people?! Please don't eat me! I want to live! I WANT TO LIVE!" begged Goldybot pathetically.

"Let's serve him up for stew!" suggested Shodu.

"No, let's take him apart! I need new toys!" said Wicket. His parents looked at him weirdly. Deej thought for a minute and said, "Let's eat him!" Goldybot turned pale and began muttering nonsense words.

He was sure he was about to become ewok chow when his best friend R2 flew into the window using his leg-mounted rocket boosters.

"Oh, R2, thank goodness! I'm saved!" said Goldybot thankfully. R2 beeped excitedly and landed behind Deej. The big Ewok turned around to grab him, but R2 was too quick for him. He extended a stunner out of slot in his body and zapped Deej on his belly. Deej stumbled back just enough for Goldybot to slip between him and Shodu. The two robots ran out of the hut and didn't stop until it was far behind them.

"Thank you ever so much, R2," said Goldybot, "I thought I was a former protocol droid!" R2 beeped and chirped. "What do you mean you 'just happened to find me'? You came to my rescue!" R2 beeped some more. "You were just curious?!" R2 beeped even more. "ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THAT THE ONLY REASON YOU FLEW INTO THAT WINDOW WAS FOR SOME MEANINGLESS EXPLORATION?!" Goldybot shouted. R2 shrugged and began rolling away on his three wheeled legs. Goldybot sighed and muttered, "I guess everything's returned to normal, then…"


End file.
